I Can't Do This Anymore
by CynCyrWrightings
Summary: "I...can't...do this anymore!" Tony yelled. "The accusations, the anger, the fighting! I can't, ok! I can't play the blame game anymore or sit here and feel like I'm always fucking up! One minute you build me up the next you're breaking me down! I love you, I do but I also hate you!"
Tony and Steve were known to have epic fights. Some ending in them both walking away in opposite directions. Others would end with a shouting match and them trading blows. Either way it went, however, they always tried not to go to bed angry. Except this time... _this fight_...there may not be a happy ending.

"Just what is it, _exactly,_ that you are implying, Steven?" Tony stood in front of Steve, hands on his hips, eyes narrowed in suppressed anger. They were standing in the middle of their suite, arguing about a picture that popped up in the tabloids of Tony and a random model.

"I am asking if you had sex with her?" Steve looked down at the magazine then back up at Tony. His stomach churned at the thought of Tony possibly cheating on him again but he needed to know the truth. "The picture looks like..." Steve started.

" _Looks_ like but isn't _true_. That's an old photo, Steve, seriously you'd think I'd lie to you or cheat on you, after everything we've been through?" Tony stepped back from Steve, aware that they were standing to close to each other. Thinking that some space between them would be a good thing.

Steve glared at Tony, aware of why he'd moved away. "How am I supposed to believe you, Tony? Would there be any _reason_ why I wouldn't fully trust you?" Steve took a breath then continued. "Well, let's see, there was Ty, Yvette, Eric, Danial, Marcus, and Emily. You lied about Ultron and almost got us killed! Before that you let everyone think you were dead after the Mandarin's attack. Then, when you were _dying_ of palladium poisoning you let us all think you were ok?! So, _you tell me_ Tony, would you lie or cheat on me?" Steve hissed in anger. "You seem to forget that you've cheated on me before, lied to me more times than I can fucking count, so why should I think that this time would be any different?!"

Tony flinched, then straightened his back as he glared at Steve. "Ok, well let's see, if we both remember there was David, Nikolas, and Avery. Then there was your lie about knowing Bucky _killed my parents_! So don't act like you're perfect all the time, _Cap,_ because that one trumps _anyfukingthing_ I've lied to you about!" Tony seethed silently, his anger making him shake as he realized exactly where this conversation was going. If they had reverted back to bringing up both of their fuck up's from earlier in their relationship, then this argument was going to end badly. They almost always did this way.

Taking a deep breath, Tony stepped back again. "I'm not doing this, I-I can't anymore. You've never forgiven me for what happened despite what you've said. It was five years ago, Steve, I fucked up you fucked up but this..." Tony waved his hand towards the magazine. "This is _not_ true, Pepper can show you the original if you want to see it or even JARVIS." Shaking his head, Tony looked at Steve closely, could see he wasn't getting through and felt his shoulder's drop. "Maybe you're right, maybe we should just let go and move on."

Steve sucked in a harsh breath, they've gotten into fights before, said some cruel and hurtful things but neither has ever really meant it. It was always their anger talking, nothing more. Did Tony really want to break up? Was he really that bad that Tony would want to leave him? "Y-you want to..." He couldn't say it, he couldn't bring himself to say the words it hurt to much. "A-after five years, Tony?"

" _I...can't...do this anymore!_ " Tony yelled. "The accusations, the anger, the fighting! I can't, ok?! I can't play the blame game anymore or sit here and feel like I'm always fucking up! Howard did enough of that when he was a live, I don't need you doing the same thing! One minute you build me up the next you're breaking me down! I love you, so fucking much it hurtso but I also hate you! This, whatever the hell is going on now, between us?" Tony stepped back when Steve reached for him. "Don't, Steve, just...d-don't touch me. I can't do this anymore." He would not cry in front of this man. The man he loved more than his own life. The thought of not having him in his life hurt, more than the hole in his chest. Rubbing absently at the scar tissue, Tony felt his eyes welling up. "Y-you need to leave Steve. If you don't I will."

Steve jerked back as if slapped. He hadn't realized he was making Tony feel like Howard had. Tony was brilliant, capable of doing anything he set his mind to and for him to feel as he did...Steve stepped back from Tony, trying to hide his pain. "Ok, I, ummm, I-i'll go. You don't, y-you shouldn't have to leave your own suite." Steve ran a his gaze over Tony. He could see the anger seething in his eyes. The pain and hatred he was holding back was, _surprising_ , in the fact that Steve hadn't notice things getting to this point. He was usually more perceptive, more understanding in situations that required it but with Tony, that obviously wasn't the case. Taking a step back, Steve turned and fled for the door. The look on Tony's face, the words he'd yelled. Tony was serious and this time there was nothing Steve could do about it.

Once the suite door had closed behind him, Steve stepped back against the wall. Wrapping his arms around himself as he slid down, Steve bit his bottom lip. "What happened just now? H-how did it get this far?" The tears started as he looked up at the ceiling. He went back over the start of their day, trying to figure out how and when things had deteriorated. Sucking in a quick breath, he laid his head down on his arms and cried. When he took a shaky breath, he stood up, glanced back at the suite door once then walked away. Tony had said he couldn't do this anymore. He loved him but he hated him as well. Gasping as he paused at the elevator, Steve rubbed his chest, right above his heart. He hated him...Steve had found a way to make the man he loved hate him and that hurt worse than anything. Pressing the button for the elevator, he waited until the doors dinged with the car's arrival. Stepping in, he kept his back to the door, waiting until they had closed before breaking down.

Tony stood staring at the door after it closed behind Steve. Today hadn't been perfect but it hadn't been bad either. What had happened for things to get to this point? To the point that he was telling Steve he hated him? Letting out a small sound, Tony turned toward his liquor cabinet. He wanted to forget, wanted to drown his pain and anger in the bottom of his best bottle of scotch. Reaching for the tumbler on the table, Tony kept walking until he stood in front of the one he wanted. Looking down at the glass, he dropped it, pulled the bottle out of the cabinet then pulled out the stopper. "Well, here's to the end of a love of a lifetime." Tipping the bottle up, Tony pressed the rim to his lips and drank.

He wasn't sure how much he drank or when he'd passed out but he came to with the feel of Steve 's hands on him and his voice in his ears.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously trying to kill yourself?! Why would you do this Tony? To me, to you?! Why?!" Steve was trying to get Tony out of his clothes and into bed. It wasn't until he unbuttoned Tony's dress shirt did he see the blood. "Oh god, ohgodohgodohgod! Tony what have you done!" Steve picked him up and ran to the bathroom. "JARVIS, I need the shower on Tony's regular setting, please!" He removed the rest of Tony's clothes and stepped into the shower. He shivered at the cool water that pelted his skin but Tony always ran hotter than he did. Rubbing his hands up and down Tony's arms, Steve tried to keep from shaking. "What did you use to do this, Tony? God why would you cut open your scars like this?!"

Tony blinked under the spray of water, his head spinning as he leaned back to look up at Steve. Tears filled his eyes, "I hate you for making me love you. I hate you for getting so far inside me that now I can't get you out and I have to. I have to get you out because if I don't it's gonna kill me." Tony looked away, his hand coming up to the mass of scars on his chest. "I love you so much I was willing to die for you and it's still not enough." He whispered brokenly. Why was it just never enough for Steve?"

Steve started crying, "I don't want you dead, Tony. I'll live with your hatred, just as long as you're alive. I'll live with you hating me." Steve's hand covered the one over Tony's scars...over his heart. "You're right, we can't do this anymore, Tony. It's not healthy for either of us and I can see now just how badly it's hurting you." He squeezed the hand under his and slowly let go. "Let me help you clean up then get you in bed. It's the least I can do after everything that's happened."

"Am I 'posed to be grateful? You broke my heart Steve!" Tony struggled to move away from Steve, pushing himself forward. "Y-you hurt me more than anyone else so don't pretend you care." Tony cried, the tears racing down his face as he and Steve struggled in the tub. "Just let me go!"

"JARVIS shut the water off please." Steve held onto Tony until the shower heads had stopped, then reached for a towel. Wrapping it around Tony, he picked him up and carried the struggling and crying man to the bedroom. "I'm sorry, Tony, I never meant for you to feel this way. I never meant to hurt you." Steve laid Tony down on the bed, watching with a broken heart as Tony turned away from him. Reaching out, Steve froze, aware that he no longer had the right to touch Tony. Holding in a sob, Steve watched with watery eyes as Tony slowly drifted off into a fitful sleep. "I'm sorry, Tony. You're right, neither of us can do this anymore." Brushing a gentle hand over the dark curls on Tony's head, Steve moved back from the bed. He looked back once at the sleeping man, then turned and left the room for the last time.


End file.
